Company Inside the Not Knowing

I was raised in the Church, as we say here, and I want to be careful how I tell this since I know this site reaches people from a lot of different backgrounds, and I don't want anyone to think their experience needs to match my theology to count as real. Had pulled over on a canyon drive for no real reason, just wanted to look properly at the light doing something extraordinary through the red rock, the kind no photo ever quite gets right. Standing there, I felt a presence that didn't ask me to have anything figured out first. It just arrived and stayed, no urgency to it at all. My faith had been steady most of my life and had become genuinely uncertain by that point, though it's not something I've talked about much, even within my own community, where doubt isn't always met gently. I'd stopped attending regularly. Stopped praying with any real expectation that someone was listening. Going through motions I'd mostly already given up on, if I'm being honest about it. What I got that day wasn't an answer. It was company inside the not knowing, which I've come to think might be the better gift of the two. I'm still, in a lot of ways, inside that same uncertainty. But I don't feel alone in it anymore, and that's changed my daily life more than any resolved question ever could have.