What I'd Tell My Father If He Were Still Here

Dad, you used to fish this same dock. I came back here because I didn't know where else to go. It was early, before the boats went out, and the water was flat and gray and I was just sitting there talking to you in my head the way I do. Then I felt your hand on my shoulder. I know that's not possible. But I felt it, the weight and the warmth of it, exactly the way I remembered it from being a kid. And I heard — not your voice exactly, but something behind your voice, something that was using you to reach me. It said to stop being so hard on myself. I'm going to try, Dad. A pelican landed on the post at the end of the dock right after. Just sat there looking at me for a long minute. I know it was just a bird. But I laughed out loud for the first time in months, and that felt like something too.