After the Diagnosis

I don't really know how to write this. I got the call on Monday. Sat in the parking lot of the medical building for a long time. At some point I realized I wasn't alone. That's the only way I can say it. I wasn't alone. Something was with me in that car, something warm, something that knew exactly what I was feeling. I didn't hear words. I didn't see anything. I'm not even a religious person — I want to be honest about that. I've never gone to church, never prayed, never thought much about any of this. But I stopped shaking. I drove home. I made dinner. I called my sister. I don't know what's next but I know I'm not doing it by myself. I have an appointment next week and I'm scared. But there's something underneath the fear now that wasn't there before. Something solid. I don't have a word for it yet but I'm grateful it's there.